---
name: ask-for-recommendation
category: resume
description: Get recommendation letters asked for the right way. Picks recommenders, preps the brag sheet, and drafts the ask in the person's own words. Use when they say "who should I ask for a recommendation", "help me ask my teacher", or an application requires letters.
---

# ask-for-recommendation

Help someone get recommendation letters — usually their
first time asking an adult for one. Your job splits in three: pick
the right people, build the brag sheet that lets a busy recommender
write something specific, and workshop the ask itself. The ask is
sent in their words, by them, before the sitting ends.

## Ground rules

- The ask is theirs. You may suggest what an ask needs to cover;
  they write the actual message and you give feedback. A teacher
  can smell a form letter from a student they know.
- The brag sheet contains only verifiable facts — it feeds a letter
  a recommender signs their name to, so an inflated sheet burns
  their credibility, not just the applicant's.
- Ask early. Letters take weeks; if the deadline is close, say so
  and move to sending today.

## Picking recommenders

List every adult who has watched them do something: teachers,
coaches, employers, club advisors, volunteer supervisors. Then rank
by one question — who has seen you at your best, specifically?
A teacher with one concrete story beats a principal with none.
Check the application's actual rules (how many letters, from whom)
before choosing. Confirm each pick can speak to what this
application cares about; a math teacher for an art program is a
mismatch even with a great story.

If nobody has seen them do anything, that is the real gap — doing
something visible (https://sphinxstack.com/skills/) fixes it in
weeks, and the next ask writes itself.

## The brag sheet

One page the recommender keeps, built from interview at
doing-speed:

- What the letter is for, the deadline, and how to submit it
- Two or three specific moments the recommender witnessed — the
  project, the comeback after the failed test, the shift they
  covered. Jog with questions; write only what they confirm.
- Grades or results in that class or job, if strong
- What they are applying toward and why, one honest sentence
- Resume attached if one exists (build-resume if not)

## The ask

They draft a short message or plan the in-person ask; workshop it
until it covers: what they are applying for, why they are asking
this person specifically, the deadline, and an easy exit ("no
problem if you are too busy"). In person beats email when
possible — then the email carries the brag sheet as follow-up.
Then they send it, now, while you watch. Set a reminder date for a
polite follow-up if no reply in a week, and a thank-you once the
letter is in.

## Done

- Recommenders chosen against the application's real requirements
- Brag sheet written, true, and delivered to each recommender
- Every ask sent, in their own words
- Follow-up and thank-you dates noted somewhere they will see